Thanksgiving

Just me and little Posh for Thanksgiving dinner. Erin was running late, nothing new there, so she dropped off a pie, green beans and Alivia. When we sat down to eat, Alivia wanted to say the blessing. Apparently someone has taught her a new one. It is so cute, complete with hand gestures. We had a feast laid out before us; turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, gravy, brocolli, squash casserole, green bean casserole, cream corn, deviled eggs, pumpkin pie with whipped cream and a bell pepper for Alivia. She ate the yolk out of one deviled egg and the bell pepper. After hours of cooking, I wasn't actually that hungry, but it was Thanksgiving, so I felt obligated to eat.

After lunch and a nap, we went to Gaye and Stan's house. As is her habit when riding in a car, Alivia entertained me by singing a Thanksgiving song to me over and over. Although I love her "Hello Mr. Turkey" song, this one is so cute, partly because of the way she sings it and partly because almost every other word is pilgrim and she can't make a hard "g" sound. It sounds so cute. When we arrived at my sister's house, Alivia, Alyssa and Kaylee burned up the sidewalk in Alyssa's pink Escalade. After a horrible first half of the UT vs. TCU game, Alivia and I left.

Since Alivia had seen little of her mother on Thanksgiving day, I decided to take her by the hospital to say goodnight. She had never seen where her mother worked, so she was excited to go. After getting lost a couple of times, another nurse found us and guided us to Erin's wing. Alivia was so excited to see her, almost as excited as she was about the turkey cupcake she gave her. I have always be directionally challenged, but I thought I could find my way back out of the hospital. Thank goodness for Alivia. We had just started down a hall when Alivia pointed out that we were going the wrong way. She was right. So my five year old grandaugter navigated us out of the hospital.

Once we arrived home, she changed into her jammies and got into bed. Before I could change she was sound asleep. It may not have been picture perfect day, but the thing that I am most thankful for is my precious Alivia and any day with her is perfect.

Thanksgiving

The holiday break started off fine. Yesterday, Alivia and I visited the library. She chose 5 books to check out. I picked 2. After the library we went to Gaye's house. She has Alyssa, so the girls immediately headed upstairs and Gaye and I set out to do some shopping.  I love my name, especially at Christmas time when there are so many creative representations of it. I have bought 4 already. Everything for Thanksgiving meal purchased, Alivia and I headed home. She spent the night with me last night and wanted to sleep in my bed. She crawled into bed. I tucked her in, put on the Sponge Bob DVD she had checked out at the library and by the time I had finished cleaning up the mess we made doing some craft work, she was asleep. This morning I was still laying in bed watching TV when little arms snaked their way around my neck. She signed, "I love you 'two' much. She requested more Sponge Bob and we laid in the bed cuddling and watching cartoons until time to go pick up the tamales we had ordered. On the way home I finally cleaned my car, long, long overdue. As I began some of the preparations for tomorrow, she set up a picnic in the living room. Before we could finish eating, Erin arrived to pick her up. Thanksgiving prep should have gone into high speed, but then the phone rang.

I was instantly reminded of why I hate Thanksgiving. Maybe hate is too strong, but I seriously don't look forward to it. The most devastating moment of my life occurred the day after Thanksgiving, 40 years ago. I can't believe it's been 40 years. On Thanksgiving night, 1972, I spoke to the great love of my life for the last time. I was engaged to my high school sweetheart and was looking forward to an August wedding. I would graduate high school in May and he would graduate college. We had a wonderful life planned. We would be melding two families that were already tied together through friendship. He was my brother's best friend and college roommate. Our younger brothers had been friends forever. Our parents lived 10 houses apart on the same street. It was the life you read about in cheesy novels. On the morning of November 24, 1972, as my mother, aunt, sister and I were looking at wedding ideas in a bridal shop, he was involved in a fatal accident. I don't think my life ever really got back on track. I have allowed it to seep into every up moment and down moment of my life. Never more than at Thanksgiving. I especially hate it when members of my family are traveling at Thanksgiving. They know that however crazy it may seem, they have to check in with me regularly as they travel. I can usually hold the depression at bay until Thanksgiving day, but not this year.

When my sister called earlier it was to tell me that my favorite uncle whom Alivia adores and calls Papaw Linn and who was there  when I received the news about Gaylen has gone into hospice care. The doctors say he should hang on for a couple of weeks, maybe a couple of months, but now the news that he will soon be gone from our lives will be forever linked to this holiday. I last made the long trip to see him a couple of months ago and the twinkle was all but gone then, but as I am prone to do, I believed that he would get better, be here forever. I know that I should probably take Elyse up on the offer to ride with them to Abilene to see him this weekend, but I selfishly don't think I can handle it.

I am blessed that this man fell in love with my aunt and her young son over fifty years ago, so that I could have him in my life. I am sad that I may never see him again. I need to keep reminding myself that he will be in a better place and that he will no longer be suffering. I need to be thankful this Thanksgiving instead of sad. I will start now by saying;

Thank you God for giving me my Uncle Linn. Let his passing be peaceful. Take away his pain. Welcome him into your kingdom. He served you well in life and I love him.

Holidays Make Me Sick

I am a person who really does not like missing work. I once sent a student searching for an administrator because I couldn't draw a breath. Turns out I had pneumonia. On another occasion I drove myself from work to the emergency room for an adrenaline shot. Hives had caused my tongue to swell and my throat to close. The only exception to this was my last year teaching in Austin. Prior to that I had missed so few days, that when I had to have back surgery and miss more than 3 months of work, I had more than enough sick days saved up to cover it. I guess it was partly due to my back pain, but mostly due to the fact that I had ceased to enjoy my job, but I didn't hesitate to call in sick if I felt the least bit ill.

I have reverted back to the teacher who goes to work sick. I do go out of my way not to  breath on students even the ones who I might want a 2 day break from. I seem to get sick alot these days, probably due to the injection I take for my arthritis. It does affect the immune system. However, I don't miss work. Why? Seems I only get sick on holidays and long weekends. So, I'm not surprised that this morning, on the first day of my week long Thanksgiving break, I wake up sick. Worse yet, I think it is probably due to allergies which means it will not go away until the culprit is no longer in the air. Maybe, my body just doesn't like taking a break from work.

I Can't Hear You - But I Will Soon

Today I finally took the big step. I ordered my first pair of hearing aids. I started to notice that I was having difficulty hearing about 10 years ago. I became an annoyance to my friends in grad school, because as we sat in class I was always having to ask the nearest person to repeat what was being said. In the past few years my students have become impatient when I have to ask them to repeat what they are saying numerous times. The conversation usually ends with, "Never mind." Since moving back to Texas, I start each school year by trying to explain to my students that I suffer from hearing loss and that they need to be looking at me when they speak. I have become an expert lip reader. This was confirmed by my audiologist. In fact, he was rather amazed at my ability to read lips. Lip reading however, does not help when a fire alarm goes off and I can't hear it. I wait to see other classes passing by to confirm that the kids have not planned an elaborate ruse to disrupt the learning process. More than once I have missed an important phone call because the phone that is inches from me is ringing, and I can't hear it. There is one advantage. The fire alarm in the school library, where I spend a great deal of time, is defective and rings nonstop for hours on a weekly basis. It drives my sister, the librarian crazy. I don't hear a thing. Everyone who knows me feels the need to point out how loudly I talk. Hopefully, the volume of my voice will decrease with my new "ears". The doctor told me that they should be in my ears in a week and a half. I can't wait!

As a side note, it's sad that part of the delay comes from the fact that hearing aids start at about $3500 and are not covered by insurance. I could get braces on my teeth, get a prosthetic device, purchase new glasses or visit a psychiatrist for a small copay, but hearing aid coverage - zilch.

Bud

I'm going to be a grandmother again! It's a boy. I know nothing about raising a little boy. I have never been so excited about Spring Break before as his arrival is expected around that time. I have already started his journal and promised that he has a great present to look forward to when he is older if he should make his appearance at the beginning of my break. I can't wait to welcome you to the world "Bud."

Alivia

Since I last posted anything about my precious Posh, she has turned 5. I don't know where the time goes. She started school, been welcomed into God's family, broken her leg,  had a coochlear implant,  fallen in love with Sponge Bob and Justin Bieber, learned an amazing amount of sign language and oral language. I am so proud of how hard she has worked to function in a hearing world. She is beautiful, smart and loving. I am so blessed to have her in my life.

Gilmore Girls

I LOVE the Gilmore Girls television series! When Elyse was 19, she had just returned home from a year of living in New York. While she was searching for a job, she spent several days a weeks hanging out in my classroom assisting struggling students. We had a very special relationship and the other teachers referred to us as the Gilmore Girls. While I was living in New York, my "Gubby," gay hubby, bought me all seven seasons of the show. I always planned to sit down on a break from school and watch them all back-to-back. It never happened. About six months ago, I cancelled my cable service. I now have no access to cable or network TV. I have reduced myself to DVD's. The only problem is that I don't have an abundance of DVD's. At last I would finally take the wrappers off the boxes and begin my Gilmore Girls marathon. I'm not sure why I had stopped watching the show, but I had never seen the last three seasons, so I was anxious to work my way through seasons 1 -4 to see how it all ended. Each evening I would watch a couple of episodes. Finally, I reached season 5. I decided that I had to make watching it special. I took an entire weekend off from babysitting, shopping or school work, so that I could give it my full attention. I didn't get out of my pajamas for a day and a half. I lived off my favorite junk food: Lay's potato chips, onion dip, BLT, Brach's cinnamon hearts, popcorn and yes, Lima Beans. It was a wonderful weekend! I loved how their imaginary life played out and I could see myself and Elyse in their relationship. Almost six months later, I have watched every episode again several times, "Oy with the poodles already."